For both of these individuals to reach their ultimate goal they will share similar patterns that define their actions. Strangely the ladies man is never called a stalker, and the stalker is never called a a ladies man.

If you are either of these personas you are laughing right now (probably outside my window) and saying "I am nothing like that other guy."

We are all very much alike and when it comes to the adoration of women and the subsequent seduction that follows, it is how we get there that is where our titles and labels come from. For instance, the introvert and the prude share similar patterns; keeping their dirty thoughts to themselves for different and parallel reasons.


Identical Twins

The first place that these two share the same blood type is "motive". Here, motive is based on insecurity. The stalker NEEDS her to want him to feel fulfilled and the player WANTS all girls to need him. This means that their purpose is satisfying their ego. This is the foundation of the actions of both, to produce an image of themselves to the female that she can`t resist. Being "wanted" by her is more important than actually having her. This motive is the foundation, the fuel and fruition to their actions. It only gets scarier because they come out of the gate the exact same way. Ladies men got that title because they know how to "be the man" with the ladies. That makes them exceptional observers. They have "watched" more situations than the average guy so that they can see "how it is done". They are the speed readers of stalking. Ladies men know what to look for in the first few minutes with a female to see if there is an "opening" for him to approach. That almost sounds like "lying in wait" a form of stalking. Both guys watch from a far at first taking in as much information as possible literally to use it against her in one form or another. They avoid being the "observed" by keeping a low profile until they want their presence to be known. They both have a purpose and they will keep taking in the information as long as necessary to accomplish their goals. For the ladies man it is sex, for the stalker…well, I don`t know what that sick bastard`s goal is…but it is sick I am sure.


Calling the Kettle Black

The ladies men of the world would never compare themselves to a stalker, but one of the character traits of a ladies man is patience. The true ladies man might have 4-6 girls he is working at once. "Working" does not always imply "sex". Working means: has in the "hopper" or "mill". The ladies man does this because some women take time to seduce. He might have to run into them over and over at the same market before he makes his move. Because he has a goal, that is a form of patience that the stalker exhibits. He knows each time he sees her it will bring him closer to being with her or getting her attention, the ego stroke he is craving.

The stalker psyche stereotype would generally "resent" the ladies man type and would never compare his actions to those of a ladies man. The stalker is "committed" or so he believes solely in the girl he is after and would consider cheating on her, an insult to her. Until of course he moves on to the next girl and behaves the exact same way with her.

That is exactly like the ladies man. He pours on the attention to make the girl believe that she is the bomb and nothing could distract him from her until of course something distracts him from her (usually another woman or two). There are too many initial similarities for either of these two to contend that one is dissimilar to the other. Stalkers are not always "introverts" as one might think.

For instance there was the story about the stalker they caught in Seattle. They found evidence on this guy that he had actively stalked over 200 females before finally committing more heinous crimes against the females. He was a fireman and was not a shy person; he spent much of his time in the company of other men and the public. Furthermore, the ladies man is not always an "extrovert" as one might guess. The best ladies men are smooth and swift and try to avoid any unnecessary over exposure. Could these two be any more alike?


The "IT" Factor

So what is "it" that separates these two look-a-likes?

How they close the deal is the answer.

The ladies man is not interested in "keeping" his target or prey only using her for a purpose. The stalker is not interested in ever "releasing" his target or prey and that is his purpose, keeping her. This is the major difference between them and their motives. The worst a ladies man will do is "maybe" give you a venereal disease and not call you back. He might break your heart.

When it comes to the stalkers, no one really knows what their motives are but I know this much, they usually don`t break hearts (unless it`s with a pick-axe), and they are the last ones to ever, ever change their ways and take the time to learn what ladies men know. If you have to work for everthing else in life, what makes you think you don`t have to work at attracting women?

Stalkers, put away your murder weapons and Halloween masks. It`s much easier to learn how to seduce women than it is to get away with a crime (and mother will be truly happy).

Plus, you get what you always wanted - her sex. She gives it to you, very, very willingly. And trust me, there`s no crime in that (that is unless her husband catches the two of you in the act, and then you might have to skip state after all).

Finally, want to know the real difference between stalkers and ladies men?

Stalkers stalk women.

Women stalk ladies men.

Kissing Techniques!
The key to good kissing is creativity, active listening, and changing patterns. Creativity speaks for itself. Creativity includes trying new ideas, and/or new combinations of movements, locations and moods. Active listening refers to paying attention to your partner's verbal and non-verbal signals. Is your partner currently excited? Is your partner in a happy or sad mood? What does your partner want to do? Is your partner wishing for a quite evening of talking, or does he/she want a romantic encounter, a quickie, or animalistic lustful encounter? Which movements turn your partner on the most? Which ones the least? Changing patterns refers to the alterations of types of kisses used.

Standard sex games

• Doctor & Patient

• Imagine yourself as the patient needing a GYN check-up

• Meeting your lover at a bar for the first time (acting it out at a real bar)

• What would you do to pick up your lover at a bar? How would the two of you flirt with each other?

• Master & Slave

• The slave has to follow all of the masters directions

• Being on a ship, trying to avoid the sharks that might attack it

• The two of you must work together to avoid all the fish that might eat the two of you

Erotic Sex Game for the 'boring' partner

There are two types of people the 'bored' and the 'boring'. This tip is for the 'bored' person. In fact, the person who is 'bored' should implement this game without the knowledge of the boring partner.

How the game works. Before the bored partner gets home, the 'boring' partner, will have turned off the fuse box, (i.e. no hope for electricity), lit some incense and candles and dressed in a sexy outfit. A sexy outfit may mean wearing a butlers outfit, or some see-through lingerie. Then the boring partner should situate herself/himself in the middle of the living room / bedroom surrounded by large plush pillows. When the boring partner comes home, she/he will immediately try to turn on the lights. Of course, this will be unsuccessful. Then they will start to wander towards the dim lights and find you sprawled out half-naked on the pillows. The easy partner will immediately drop their pants and be ready to go. Others may require more work. In fact, initially, she/he may disclose to you that she/he has a lot of work to do, is simply not in the mood or even tell you that you look stupid.

Regardless of what happens, you, the bored partner must maintain your cool seductive appearance. By this I mean that you should tell your partner that you may be acting silly, but you are here to please their every whim (imagine yourself playing a star role in a harem and you must win your partner over). You may then want to offer her/him a foot massage, or a glass of wine, or some grapes, which you could hand-feed. Lastly, for the really difficult partner you may want to brush-up on your knowledge about their favorite activity, which may entail the latest sports game, the stock market, or politics and romance her/him into your arms. Your mission is to seduce your partner by any tactic possible.

Erotic Sex Game for the 'bored' partner

For the 'bored' partner . . . ask your partner to let you plan an evening of entertainment. Arrive home from work early that day (before your partner gets home) and prepare a sexual meal. This may consist of linguine with clams, grapes, wine and cheese… (it all depends on your food tastes… and don't forget, if you can't cook, you can always order food and have it delivered). When your partner gets home, you will answer the door in a butler or maid’s outfit. The maid should be wearing just an apron, and the butler should be wearing just a tie. The only lights in the house should be some dimly lit candles. The table should be set with the fancy tablecloth, fine china and a bottle of champagne. You may want to have some snacks prepared in case your partner is hungry when she/he gets home. Upon your partner's arrival, invite her/him to take a bath. After undressing your partner, you should help her/him into the bath tub, where you will proceed to wash her/him. Not only should you wash their hair, which entails a scalp massage, but pay special attention to the genital area. After your partner is relaxed from the wash, serve your partner dinner. During dinner, pay special attention to whatever your partner wants to talk about. Let yourself be inquisitive to learn more about whatever your partner has to say. What is the meaning behind her/his words? After dinner, lead her/him to the bedroom and begin giving a head-to-toe massage. Let your hands wander.

Erotic Sex game for the REALLY bored couple

This sex game is designed for the REALLY bored couple. This game requires both partners to take an active role in sex. Set design: Two chairs facing each other. Props/people: Two fully clothed bored individuals.

The game:

Part one: The two people should begin sitting across from each other and fully clothed. Either person can begin by talking about how bored they are by having sex with each other. After she/he has completed her/his line, she/he will be required to take off an article of clothes. Eventually, both people will be stark naked.

Part two: Slowly begin foreplay. After each touch, the giver must say "how boring" and then their first reaction. In response, the receiver must say, "I am bored" and then add their first reaction. This may sound like, "I am bored, but hey that feels good, please keep touching me" or it may sound like "I am bored, but I like the way your nipples feel on my lips". You could also add some variations be saying "who cares" or "this is silly."

This game at first may make you feel uncomfortable. In fact, the first time I ever played it, I felt stupid, but sure enough, with time this game became fun. It removed the tension. Usually the first several times this game is played, there is no sex at the end, just lots of touching. That is fine. What is important to be learning is how to communicate with your partner, and how to laugh, smile and play with each other. Sex is about connection, and connections can happen on many different levels. They are all-important and contribute to having good sex.

Erotic Sex Games for passive-aggressive couples - and for those who like angry sex

Seduction is the name of the game. Passive partner plays the role of the master and the aggressive partner plays the role of the maid. The maid should be dressed in a skimpy black outfit, with a white apron. She should not be wearing any underwear. Whereas the master can wear whatever she wants. When the master arrives home after a long day of work or shopping, the maid will be busily cleaning the house. When the master arrives home and sits down in front of the TV, she may want to go to her, remove her shoes and replace them with some slippers. If the master so desires, the maid may want to give a foot massage. Then continue cleaning the areas near by. Each time she goes to lean down, she will wiggle her butt and show her ass - remember she is not wearing any underwear. The master may ask her what she is doing, to which she should reply 'oh nothing'. The master may angrily say that she looks silly and is being ridiculous, to which the maid must hang onto her hurt pride and respond by saying I like it this way and continue to wiggle her butt.

By the third or fourth day, the master will start to become aroused. At this point, the maid must encourage aggressive sex. She may want to say to him 'do it to me' or 'take me' or 'harder'. Make it rougher. I like it when you talk dirty. As the master is increasingly aroused, she will start to be more responsive. By letting the negative energy out through sex it will 1) release the negative pent-up emotions 2) enable both partners to actually directly feel what has been transpiring between the two of them. Through sex/sexuality the passive partner will begin to get in touch with her/his anger and the bigger issue will begin to get resolved. Not to mention, this can lean to some fun and different kind of sex than the two of you had previously experienced.

Sex game for the Mr. Nice Guy

This game is specifically written for the nice guy syndrome. He is your best friend, but not a great lover. Mr. Nice guy is viewed as asexual and passive by the other. To change the image of Mr. Nice Guy, put on a bandit's outfit and approach your partner while she is quietly sitting in the living room reading, or watching TV. As you approach, point a plastic gun towards your partner and announce that you are the captor and that she is your prisoner of war. At this point, she may laugh (or show scorn) and ask what you are doing. To this, you must respond that you are a bandit and that you are here to steal a kiss from her. With that, she may tell you to that she does not want to be disturbed. She is reading a book/watching TV. Again, tell her that you are a bandit and that your job is to steal things. Share with her that it is OK for her not to want to lose her kisses. That is why you are a bandit, you take things without permission. Go steal a kiss from her. Then with that, (if you can) pick her up in your arms and carry her off to your secret den. This secret den, may either be your bedroom with some new satin sheets, or a fort that you made in your study. If she seems truly angry, you may not want to grab her, and let her know that it is OK to be angry, sometimes victims do not like to be stolen. If this is the case, quickly steal a small kiss and let her know that you will be back sooner than she will ever guess to collect your 'goods'. Do not feel discouraged. Sometimes people either really are not in the mood to play, and other times she may just be in shock and it will take a while for her to get comfortable with your new role. In a few days, try again. If you have been successful in 'stealing' her to your fort, begin to make love to her in a new way. Be more aggressive than usual. You are the bandit. It is your job to take what you like. I recommend taking her pleasure… as in if you know she likes oral stimulation then take her vagina and eat your dinner;) It is critical, that while you are taking things like kisses and such that please you, that you do not fall into the trap of only satisfying yourself. This is a game that is designed for you to become more aggressive with a partner, but the partner does still exist. As a variation, you could have in your fort, a small treasure chest. Inside this treasure chest is a black negligee that you will produce and demand that she wear. You have stolen her some fine clothes to wear in your presence. In addition, there is a bottle of champagne and two wine glasses.

From your past experiences, you have found that it is hard work to 'steal' things and that sometimes even you need something to drink.

Are you ready for a different style of games? If so, keep reading . . . 

Women who are great flirts are great guy magnets. Great female flirts are those who know that it’s women who set up most flirtations. How? By using ancient universal female flirting techniques. For thousands of years women from China to Australia to the United States have used this technique. It’s easy, it’s simple and it works. You see a strange man across the room who appeals to you, you watch him until he feels your eyes on him, your eyes lock for a couple of seconds, you look away and then back to him – twice. Yes, it’s that easy. If you sense him beginning to watch you with interest wait awhile (say ten minutes or so) and do the whole game all over again.

When speaking with a man who interests them women will usually tilt her head to one side or another. To strengthen your interest touch his hand or his shoulder briefly when you’re speaking to emphasize a point. This touch will show the man you’re open to him.


2. Like Yourself

Men like women who like themselves. It’s as simple as that. If your game has been to let men know how rough and challenging your life is try a new tactic. The next time you’re chatting with a guy you find attractive let him know about the positive things going on in your life. Don’t brag, don’t lie, but do be positive about yourself.


3. Get Out and Socialize

Prince Charming may find Cinderella at home cleaning house in the movies, but in real life you have a far better chance of meeting available single men if you go out and spend time where the available single men are. If nightclubs and bars aren’t your scene, no problem! Why not join a local chapter of the Sierra Club or sign up for events at your favorite museum? Instead of sitting home every night pick one night a week to spend at your favorite local coffee bar reading or writing in your journal. Shy men are far more likely to approach a woman and strike up a conversation after he’s seen her several times.


4. Enjoy the Company of Men

This seems like a no brainer and yet I’m amazed at the number of women out there who are on the hunt for a serious boyfriend or husband and yet seem to think that men are a different species of animal than us and are at best to be tolerated. If you haven’t really enjoyed yourself with the men you’ve spent time with in the past either you need to have a better understanding on what your interests, ideals and beliefs are and find men who have similar ones – or you need to come face to face with the fact that perhaps you’re not looking for a unique individual, you’re looking for your mirror image.


5. Have Your Own Life

There’s nothing that scares away an independent together guy more than a woman who’s willing to drop everything for him. Most of us have done this in the past; however, very few of us seem to learn from this mistake. Don’t wait for a boyfriend to have a social life. Have both male and female friends to go out and do fun things with. Why male friends? It’s a natural human law – we think a person others find desirable more desirable. When other men see you out with a male friend enjoying yourself they don’t assume he’s a friend – they assume he’s competition and it can really spark their interest.


6. Appreciate Your Appearance and Make the Best of It

Great, hot, interesting, available men don’t all want a woman who looks just like she stepped out of a fashion magazine, but they do like women who take pride in their appearance – especially when going out. Make up might not be your thing (it doesn’t have to be) but how about making sure your finger and toenails are in great shape before stepping out the door? Instead of always wearing jeans or pants in general why not wear a flattering skirt from time to time? How about making sure the colors you wear show off your complexion and make you look great?


Men like women who like being women. They like what makes us different. They like our curves. Some women are afraid you have to dress in an overtly sexual manner in order to get men’s attention. You don’t, but it doesn’t hurt to show a flash of leg and a hint of cleavage either! Men like women who know how to enjoy their femininity and their sexuality and they believe that they can tell this by the kinds of clothes a woman is wearing. Why not make sure you’re in the running?


7. Know How to Enjoy Your Leisure Time

This is another point that seems totally obvious and yet…So many women are so busy and “stressed out” building a successful career that they really don’t know how to relax and enjoy themselves in the presence of a man. Before you walk out the door for a date or a night on the town, remember to leave your list of life shoulds, goals and the- age-by-which-you-want-to-have-your-first-child at the door. A woman looking to fit men into her carefully planned agenda doesn’t attract men, she repels them.


8. Know What You Want In Bed

Ladies it’s time we stopped thinking that men are going to “show us the way” in bed. Men don’t automatically know what you want or need in order to enjoy yourself during sex – you have to fill him in! In order to get over your fear and embarrassment remember that most men really want to be able to please their partner in bed. Remember, for most men being with a woman who’s totally turned on and into the moment with them in bed is literally one of the things they live for.

The Feel of Sun on Naked Flesh
Why it feels great: Some claim the only time our bodies are truly at peace is when the sun beats down on us, because the sun's and body's biorhythms are the same. But it's not just the rays that make outdoor sex in the sun unbeatable. We're permanently worked up by a combination of sensual triggers. People prance around in next to nothing during summer, providing a feast of flesh; a tan makes even the body-conscious feel good about being naked (as my brother says, brown fat looks better than white fat). Spreading sunscreen on each other is drop-dead sexy — continuing to rub parts that don't need it, even more so. Heat and humidity make us slow down: We're too relaxed to move, too laid-back to lift a limb and happy to lie back and enjoy lazy, languid lovemaking... delicious!
Re-create it inside: Do it in front of the fire. Pretend you're stars of one of those cheesy 80s movies: First you'd see a bra flung on a chair, then a pair of high heels, then two half-drunk glasses of champagne. Then, finally, a couple making out on a deep sheepskin rug, fire sparkling prettily in the background. Yes, it sounds cheesy, but anyone who's tried it has to admit it feels extraordinary! There's a reason why those thick carpets were called "shag-pile." People spent more time lying on them than walking on them because they felt so damn comfortable. Besides, firelight is massively flattering, and being naked in front of a fire, terribly decadent. Anyone for a martini?

Water or Beach Sex
Why it feels great: In water, we're gloriously weightless. Everyone feels light and buoyant in mood and body (not to mention thin). The squeamish get an extra bonus: Having outdoor sex in water guarantees everything is clean and fresh. Sex on the water's edge makes us feel like we're starring in From Here to Eternity; the smell of salt and the sea and the sound of water lapping (along with your partner) stimulate other senses. Nearly everyone's had a post-liquid-dinner-party semi- (or completely) naked hot-tub experience — and even if people's toes and hands didn't accidentally float our way, the prospect was excitement enough. Swimming pools, innocent as they appear, provided many a young girl with her very first orgasm. She'd position herself so the jet of water flowed directly on her clitoris and quietly climax, appearing to be dreaming away, lost in thought.
Re-create it inside: Solo, use a hose showerhead attachment and direct the flow of water where you need it most. Try changing the water temperature (hot to cold) and strength (hard and fast to a teasing dribble) for variety. Sex in the bath or shower might not rival sex on a beach, but it comes in a sexy second place. In the shower, lean back on the wall, one leg raised high, the other on the floor for balance. He supports your raised leg with his hand.

At One with Nature
Why it feels great: You're out in the middle of nowhere (a forest/desert) and suddenly you get an "I'm so happy to be alive!" rush, because it's just the two of you and Mother Nature. If you're under the shelter of a tree or in a tent, a menacing storm or copious rain only makes outdoor sex even more cozy and intimate. Our libidos rise when we're outside: Fresh air makes us feel energized and healthy, and the child in us associates being outdoors with freedom. As youngsters, we went outside to play "doctors and nurses," as teens to sneak our first smoke or cop a feel behind the school building. Our subconscious remembers all of this for us and taps us on the shoulder (or on another part) to remind us and to suggest we do wicked things.

Re-create it inside: Go outside when it rains, jump around like kids until you're thoroughly drenched, then go inside and have sex in the shower or the bathtub. Alternatively, pitch a tent in your yard (if you're childless, do it under cover of darkness, and if the neighbors ask about the tent, say your niece and nephew were visiting).
On Vacation Somewhere Exclusive and Expensive
Why it feels great: Few things beat playing "L.A. movie producer" and sitting on a sun lounger next to a fabulously excessive swimming pool, cocktail in hand and waiter hovering close by, ready to top it off after every sip! Few of us are so rich we can loll about in luxury every day, so when we are staying somewhere glitzy, we're also in a great mood. Having already grabbed all the freebie shampoos and slugged the complimentary bubbly, you're looking for other ways to make the most of where you are. The urge to be "naughty" is strong, and the elevator/hallways leading to your room/gardens surrounding the pool morph into enormous king-size beds, begging to be romped on. You're both looking your best, making an effort to dress up for dinner, and because you're abroad and anonymous, you're more likely to do something risky. We drink more when away from home, loosening those inhibitions further, and stay up later because there's no work the next day.

Re-create it inside: If you've got some cash to spare, take yourselves out to a ritzy hotel bar or restaurant, wine and dine, then search till you find relatively private/quiet bathrooms where you can hide for a quick five minutes. If money is tight, buy one of two indulgent treats you wouldn't normally spend money on (such as gourmet chocolate, expensive wine, a rich chocolate cake, organic strawberries), climb into bed and feed each other. Feeling spoiled and removed from the "everyday" evokes the same feelings
In a Famous Place or Landmark
Why it feels great: You're standing in front of or in a place you've been desperate to go to your whole life. Regardless of whether it's a hotel in Vegas, a balcony with a view of the Statue of Liberty, a palace or Uncle Fred's back porch, there's enormous emotional significance attached to the moment. Having sex in, near or looking at a longed-for destination or landmark can turn an amazing experience into an out-of-this-world one. You're still not truly convinced you're there, so everything seems surreal and in slow motion. And even if the sex wasn't technically that great, it gets stored in the "sex experiences never to be forgotten" category because you're fulfilling a lifelong fantasy.

Re-create it inside: It sounds silly, but sometimes even watching a video or looking at photos can nudge naughty memories. Help it along by talking dirty to each other, describing what you did and how it felt at the time. Build on this to create a fantasy, adding things you wish you had done. Then plan a trip to another special place, focusing on what sort of sex you'll have there.

She pushed me down on the couch on my back and slowed me down. I needed to slow down; I was trying to get her top off like I was stealing it.

She climbed on top of me and put her forefinger over my mouth as to silence anything I was about to say. She said in a mere whisper, "Slow down big boy - you will get everything on the menu but let's start with a little appetizer".

She was right - I went into overdrive like I was driving a Lamborghini, hard and fast. She was so beautiful and feminine how could I resist?

I did not have to resist because she wanted me to have everything on the menu - she just wanted me to "play with my food" first for a while.

If humans were car engines then the females would have one prerequisite: HEAT IT UP FIRST. Men can go from 0-60 in under 10 seconds but the female engine needs to be warmed up and lubricated before they will run the big race. Granted some females love a good quickie sometimes but when it comes to real sex and real love-making the game any woman wants to play is FOREPLAY.

Foreplay is most definitely the bricks and mortar of a good lover. A good lover is not measured in penis length or bra size. Good lovers do not posses magic powers or have hypnotic potions that create this aura about their sexual prowess. A good lover is about GIVING and SATISFYING their partner thru SEDUCTION and unselfish behavior. Nothing exemplifies this more than foreplay. It is the game before the game.


~imagine you are making a movie where you are the star~

When you PLAY with your partner imagine that you get to live vicariously through the movie industry and you are the big star. If you were "playing" with your partner and the camera was rolling you would not hurry or speed things up. You would play to the camera and make it as sexy as possible. Using every sense you have, your fingers, your mouth and in some cases even your warm whispery breath can be part of the fun.

When two people get together for intense sexual pleasure they both have an agenda and fantasies on their mind. Even partners we have had sex with in the past can create new fantasies and desires. Experimenting is not only fun for you but your partner as well. Surprise the person you have been sleeping with by giving them a full body massage followed by a "snow job".

If you want a great example of foreplay - lay your partner down on their back and you go up and down their body with your mouth, never touching the naughty bits but everything else. Use your warm mouth to suck and bite and tease their erogenous zones and lick them behind the ears or bite the top of their shoulders - literally devour them with your mouth.

The more you treat your partner as something you eat and not something you dominate the more erotic and heightened the pleasure will be for the both of you. Sensual massage is a great place to start. You don't have to be a pro to "touch" someone. We all take great pleasure in being touched, massaged and caressed by another to the point of arousal.

Use your hands, forearms, chest, elbows and even your chin to get into your partner's muscles and deep tissue. This massage and touch will relax and stimulate your partner at the same time - remember the camera is rolling.


Foreplay Zones

As mentioned there are certain zones on the body that are more stimulating than others. After the massage, use SOFT strokes and touch to stimulate your partner. Roll your finger tips across their nipples and behind their ears as you kiss them and tease them with your tongue. When your partner gets impatient and aggressive during the foreplay it means you are doing something right.

I know I am turned on when I just can't take it anymore. When you can't physically take it anymore - you must! You must endure the taunting and teasing of your senses because they must also endure you and your warm tongue as you bring them to get chills across their thighs.

Foreplay is as much of an art form as it is a "necessity". Think about this for a second - if you make love and it only lasts 20 minutes then you are having a good time. If you have 25 minutes of foreplay before the 20 minute lovemaking session then everybody is having a GREAT TIME and you look good! Foreplay can include, toys, tools, ties and even food.

There is no limit to foreplay either - so if you want to watch a person spontaneously combust then tease them for an hour straight before you take care of business. Don't be afraid to experiment with sex toys and oils because both can enhance sexual pleasure considerably for both parties. Like a machine everyone needs to stay nice and lubricated to keep things "fun".


Take Care Of Her First, Then Take Turns

The rules of foreplay are standard worldwide and there is only one: Take care of your partner first. Good foreplay is when one guy/girl gets great pleasure out of pleasing his/her lover. You might think how two people can accommodate each other if they are both trying to accommodate each other at the same time. The answer is: Take turns.

Taking turns pleasing and teasing each other is part of every session you have together. When it comes to mutual satisfaction where two people are trying to accomplish the same goal then remember that this is the only time when the order is not, "ladies first" - take care of her and she will no doubt take care of you.

ASK HIM TO SWALLOW!!

Whenever I see an article on a men’s website or in a magazine about “How To Get Your Woman To Swallow” I wonder the very same thing one of our female readers wanted to know of a guy on one of our message boards – had the guy ever tried it himself?

I doubt it.

Just like the yearning to try anal sex, men love the idea of getting women to do things sexually they themselves wouldn’t dream of (or at least most won’t admit to dreaming of). They often get away with it just because they’ve got the balls to ask for what they want. Something, by the way, we gals aren’t usually very good at when it comes to sex, but if we’re smart we’ll take a page from their book.

Mind you, I’m not dissing swallowing during oral sex, not at all. If it’s something you enjoy (and you’ve both been tested for both HIV and STD’s) then by all means swallow away. But if it’s not something you enjoy, if you don’t like the taste (or if you’re like me and get a bit of a stomach ache afterwards), then don’t let yourself be cajoled into something just because it makes your guy feel like “king” of the world.

I know it sounds like I’m dissing men, but I’m not. Like I said, if we could take a lesson from their book of feeling we deserve sexual pleasure, and could ask more for what we want in bed, the female race would be much much happier. Actually I’m being very practical, honest and straightforward – something women aren’t always good at when it comes to sex.

You see, if you let yourself be cajoled into swallowing sperm during oral sex, or into doing any other sexual act you find distasteful, uncomfortable or even painful, then sooner or later you’ll find ways of getting back at your guy in other ways – and he won’t have a clue what you’re really mad about.

If you don’t like swallowing then be straight out about it with your guy. If you don’t like the taste then challenge him to play fair and drink his own. I bet he’ll begin to understand your reluctance. Do your best to find out why seeing you swallow up his wad is so very important to him.

You might find out that it really isn’t, he just thought he should try to get you to do it, just the way you may try to get him to go shopping with you or interesting in choosing carpet colors. You may, on the other hand, find out that swallowing is very important to him, that it fills some sort of emotional need.

A man and a woman in a sexual and/or emotional relationship don’t have exactly the same sexual and/or emotional needs, (no two people have exactly the same emotional and/or sexual needs) yet most of us march forward in our sexual relationships acting as if we did. We think that somehow we’ll figure out what we don’t know about each other under the covers, that action speaks louder than words.

Unfortunately we’re up against terrific odds. Both sides, both sexes, come to bed with our own unique needs and wants but also with different information about what to do, what’s important, and how to act.

No wonder we’re so confused, frustrated, and often not getting any.

The main message men get in the media about sex is that they must have a bigger cock that lasts a long long time if they’re to please a female and be a real man. The irony here – no one in the mainstream media wants to look at – most women don’t orgasm from straight intercourse.

Sex between men and women currently is full of these kinds of misunderstandings and miscommunications which makes us miserable and often leery of the opposite sex. It doesn’t need to be this way. You can be part of the revolution to play fair in sex. You can learn to ask for what you need in sex, what you want, and you can learn to bargain with your lover to find the best way for the both of you to get the best of what you both have to offer.

So should you swallow if you don’t really enjoy it and it’s something that thrills your man to no end? That depends, how willing is your lover to spend time doing something with/for you that he doesn’t really enjoy sexually? Do you need more of his tongue time between your legs than he’s usually willing to give?

Would you like more foreplay, or a different position, or perhaps you’d like him to use his hands during intercourse to give you extra stimulation and he’s been lazy about complying? I’m sure if you think about it there are ample ways you can think of that he can please you if you put your mind to it. As alluring as it is to get him to promise to take out the trash I’d keep your bargaining about sex on sexual acts.

None of this will work, however, unless you both keep your end of the bargain - otherwise it becomes null and void. Don’t be a good sport and go forward with something if your lover isn’t…because remember, being a woman, you will then resort to getting revenge in a very backhanded way about something that seems to have absolutely nothing at all to do with sex. Aren’t you worth more? Aren’t you worth a better sex life and dealing with the situation head on openly and honestly?

A man can’t read your mind or your sexual needs. As embarrassing and tough as it can be to communicate about your secret desires only you hold the key to your sexuality. So should you spit or should you swallow? Maybe it’s time to use that tantalizing little conversation starter to begin an honest conversation with your lover on how to make your time naked in the sheets better for both of you.

My Vagina Upclose Why Do the Majority of Women Never Orgasm from Intercourse Alone?

When I say “kinky” what comes to mind? Bondage? Making an erotic videotape of you and your lover? Outdoor sex? For each person reading this the answer is probably going to be different, because each of us has our own idea of just what the heck is or isn’t kinky. To some poor souls oral sex is too kinky to consider (both giving and receiving), and sadly many women still feel the idea of masturbating for their own pleasure (or yours) is too kinky too.

Then there’s also the phenomenon that both men and women are guilty of – and that is that our tolerance for “kinky” increases depending on how turned on we are. So face the facts, letting your girlfriend tie you up and have her way with you (strap on dildo optional) might sound scary when you’re stone cold sober in the light of a boring work day, but it might really do it for you when you’re all hot and bothered. Now’s the time to face those places your mind goes when you’re really turned on.


Kinky Sex, Mind Blowing Sex

Here’s one of the interesting facts about those with very hot, very kinky sex lives that I’ve discovered in my research – those who have mind blowingly crazy sex are a) great communicators about their wants and needs b) they take responsibility for making it happen. People (and I mean both men and women here) who have amazing sex lives (the sort that would make us drool with envy) take their sex lives very seriously and they make sure to make what they want happen by communicating very honestly with their partners and taking all of the necessary steps to learn what they need to learn in order to make what they fantasize about happen. There is, after all, an art to tying all of those bondage knots.

So if you’ve got something new you want to try out you’re going to have to speak up about it, but we’ll get into how to go about speaking up a little bit later…


Tell Your Lover What Your Fantasy Is

Some people, perhaps because they feel so totally repressed and ashamed of their desires, take them way too seriously. When they finally do screw up the courage to tell their lover what their fantasy is, they expect things to work out perfectly the way they have been in their head.

Okay, so sex rocks, right? But whenever you’re trying out something new there is a good chance something won’t go as planned or hope for. Be able to let go and laugh about it. And also be able to reflect back and talk about what happened and how it can go better next time.


Share Your Sexual Pleasure

We can get so turned on by our fantasies and desires we forget sexual pleasure has to be a two way street if we really want a successful sex life. The pleasure receiving can only be lopsided for so long before one party starts resenting the other and a massive traffic jam brings your sex life to a grinding halt.

If you want your lover to try new things with you you’ve got to make sure she’s going to have a good time as well. Don’t assume your fantasies and desires are going to thrill her as much as they thrill you. Men get into trouble with this all the time – they assume that their own desire for a woman, and what they want the woman to do, is enough for the woman to be turned on and sexually thrilled. It’s a lazy assed cop out, don’t fall into it.

Don’t know what will thrill your gal in return? Ask. The more sincere you are, the more you’re really open to learning, the easier it’ll be for her to open up and share…and as the two of you begin to feel more secure and easy about opening up your erotic imagination together the hotter it’ll get.

Here’s probably one of the most important points of about creating a really hot sex life and upping the kink meter – make sure you don’t have a double standard with women. A quick way to have your lover shut down, and not want to try new things, is to expect her to take all the risks and for you to sit back and watch. If you want her to put on an erotic strip tease and give you the lap dance of your dreams what are you willing to do in exchange? If you want her to let you have anal sex with her, you’d better be willing to have your back door explored as well, and need I say that the same thing goes for any tying up?

And, guys you’ve got to get rid of any whore/Madonna complex you’ve got going on if you want to have a really steamy erotic sex life. Categorizing women this way will only come back to bite you in the ass. You can’t expect a woman to open up to you, and explore hidden aspects of your mutual sexuality if you’re going to judge her for it after all is said and done.

Okay, so now that we’ve laid the ground rules let’s look at how exactly you can bring in the kink and unleash your inner hedonist:


The Big Secret About Kinky Sex - Ease Into Things

Chances are if you’ve been having regular relatively normal missionary style sex with your lover (with a little oral sex for both parties thrown in for extra thrills) and suddenly you tell your lover you want her to dominate you completely and walk around with you on a leash at sex clubs she’ll probably freak out a bit. Actually she might freak out a lot. If you want to succeed at kinky sex, and your lover or wife or girlfriend hasn’t been offering suggestions in that directly already, you need to ease into things a bit slowly while you test the waters and let her get use to the idea. Let me give you examples of how this can work:


You Want Her to Wear Kinky Fetish Lingerie and Clothing (or just sexy lingerie in general)

If she doesn’t already own a pair of thigh high platform boots, or a corset that gives her a wasp waist, or anything sexier than a pair of white cotton boy style briefs, your girl is either a bit repressed, she doesn’t see herself that way, or she’s a bit cheap.

Good lingerie and fetish wear is expensive, and if you’re the one hankering for her to wear it you’d better be prepared to spend some cash. But you’ve got to move forward with tact and taste. Start by showing her some of the more “normal” but sexy types of lingerie you’d like to see her wear from magazines and the Internet. Get her feedback. Ask if there’s anything she’s secretly wanted to try on but has been afraid to look silly or extravagant.

Make things fun. Plan a day to go shopping together (and yes, men can usually go into the dressing rooms at the seriously sexy clothing stores). Just know in advance how hot and bothered it’s going to make the both of you.

Now, if what you really want to see her in are stockings and a garter belt sans panties (and don’t we all) or a pvc mini dress (also sans panties) start talking about it well in advance. Let her get use to the idea. Let her work it over in her mind and move from being a bit frightened by the idea, to being turned on by it. You can even make a game of it. Why not dare her to wear something really sexy (which you buy) and if she goes through with it you have to wash her car, or something else she’s asked for that you’ve flaked on or ignored? And if she flashes you in public (like while getting out of the car) then she gets extra brownie points.


You Want Her to Masturbate For You

Shocking but true, even in our modern times there are plenty of women who just don’t masturbate, or just won’t admit to it if they do. Unfortunately in the minds of many women it’s an embarrassing and risqué thing to do. If this is your lover, and especially if she’s having trouble experiencing orgasms with you, you need to let her know that she didn’t come with an instruction manual when the two of you started getting naked together. Only by her being brave and showing you exactly what she does to get herself off will you learn the sort of touch and technique that will help you do the very same thing.


You Want Her to Try Sex Toys

While many women love sex toys there are quite a few who either never though they needed to try them, or are just too embarrassed to give them a go. The main thing to focus on is that sex toys are suppose to bring more fun and pleasure into the bedroom, not replace a lover.

One of the best ways to bring toys into the bedroom is to let her know you’re looking for ways to enhance her pleasure rather inferring that you’re bored with your love life together (even if you are). Spend time doing some research (taking her sexual needs into account) and then show her a few toys that you’ve earmarked to get her feedback on. Great toys to start with are those that help with G-spot stimulation for more intense female orgasms.


You Want Her to Indulge in a Fantasy With You

Let’s review just what the heck a fetish is in the first place. Here’s what the Merriam-Webster’s dictionary has to say:

b : an object of irrational reverence or obsessive devotion : c : an object or bodily part whose real or fantasized presence is psychologically necessary for sexual gratification and that is an object of fixation to the extent that it may interfere with complete sexual expression.

As you can see, for some of us a fetish is something that just makes us hot and bothered (like a fine ass, or beautiful pair of breasts) but for some of us we can only experience sexual pleasure and gratification via a particular act or if a particular object is involved (say a wicked pair of stilettos).

Obviously the first sort of fetish is far easier to open up and share about than the second, but sooner or later you’re going to have to be open about your desires and needs. Again, moving slowly and carefully into kinky sex is better than dumping your secrets on a lover all in one rushed event. She may surprise you and be totally open and into whatever it is that you are drawn to (she might, after all, be dying to spank you), but put yourself in her place and recognize that we tend to think our own sexual needs and desires are relatively normal while those that differ from our own are pretty darn weird.


The Kinky Sex Payoff

It’s not that hard to heat up your love life with kinky sex if you’re willing to play fair, communicate, and take responsibility. Your lover may know you quite well but she can’t read your mind, especially since human beings are constantly growing and changing – even in regards to our sexuality and what turns us on. You’ve got to let her know exactly what it is you’d like to try and also why it’s in her best interest to do so…and it goes without saying (though I have and I will) that you’ve got to be open to her sharing the same information with you. Double standards are a sure way to keep you in dullsville, or even get you dumped.