Defense Attorney:

Will you please state your age?

Little Old Lady:

I am 86 years old.

Defense Attorney:

Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night April 1st?

Little Old Lady:

There i was ,sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening,when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.

Defense Attorney:

Did you know him?

Little Old Lady:

No,but he sure was friendly.

Defense Attorney:

What happend after he sat down?

Little Old Lady:

He started to rub my thigh.

Defense Attorney:

Did you stop him?

Little Old Lady:

No, i didnt stop him.

Defense Attorney:

Why not?

Little Old Lady:

It felt good.Nobody has done that since my Albert died some 30 years ago.

Defense Attorney:

What happened next?

Little Old Lady:

He began to rub my breasts.

Defense Attorney:

Did you stop him then?

Little Old Lady:

No,i did not stop him.

Defense Attorney:

Why not?

Little Old Lady:

His rubbing made me fell all alive and excited.I havent felt that good in years!

Defense Attorney:

What happened next?

Little Old Lady:

Well,by then, i was feeling so "spicy"that i just laid down and told him"Take me, young man.Take me now!"

Defense Attorney:

Did he take you?

Little Old Lady:

Hell no!He just yelled,"April Fools!!"And that's when i shot him,the little basterd.

Men

1.All men are extremely busy.

2.Although they are very busy,they still have time for women.

3.Although they have time for women,they don't really care for them.

4.Although they dont really care for them,they always have one around.

5.Although they always have one around them,they always try their luck with others.

6.Although they try their luck with others,they get really pissed off if the woman leaves them

7.Although the woman leaves them they still don't learn from their mistakes and still try their luck with others.

Women

1.The most important thing for a woman is financial security.

2.Although this is so important,they still go out and buy expensive clothes and stuff.

3.Although they always buy expensive clothes,they never have any thing to wear.

4.Although they never have some thing to wear,they always dress beautifully.

5.Although they always dress beautifully,their clothes are always just"this old stuff"

6.Although their clothes are always, just an old rag, they still expect you to compliment them.

7.Although they expect you to always compliment them,when you do,they don't believe you. 

Three contractors are bidding to fix the fence at Jamaica House.One is from Montego Bay another from Kingston and the third from Mandeville.

They go with an offical from Jamaica House,to examine the fence.

The Mobay contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring,then works some figures with a pencil."Well,"he says"The job gwien run yuh bout $900:$400 fi material,$400 fi my crew an'$100 profit fi me."

The Mandeville contractor also does the same measuring and figuring, and says"I can do dis job fi $700:$300 fi material,$300 fi my crew and $100 profit Mass me."

The Kingston contractor dosen't measure or figure,but leans over to the jamaican House offical and whispers:$"2,700,"

The offical incredulous,observes:"You didnt even tek measurement like the addah contractah dem!Whe you get such a high figgah?"

"Easy man," the Kingstionian expalines,"Look yah!$1,000 fi you,$1,000 fi me an we hire the breddah from mandeville."

The buzz word in today's business world is MARKETING.However people often ask for a simple explanation of "MARKETING'

Well here it is.

1.Your a woman and you see a handsome guy at a party.You go up to him and say"I am fantastic in bed."(That Direct Marketing.)

2.Your at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy.One of your friends goes up to him and ,pointing at you, says,she's "fantastic in bed."(Thats Advertising.)

3.You see a handsome guy at a party.You go up to him and gets him telephone number.The next day you call and say"Hi,i am fantastic in bed."(That's Telemarketing.)

4.You see a guy at a party,you strighten your dress.You walk up to him and pour him a drink.You say,"May i?"and reach up to strighten his tie,brushing your breast lightly against his arm,and then you say,"By the way i am fantastic in bed."(Thats Public Relations.)

5.You're at a party and see a handsome guy.He walks up to you and says,"I hear you're fantastic in bed."(That's Brand Recognition.)

6.You're at a party and see a handsome guy.He fancies you,but you talk him into going home with your friend.(That's a Sales Rep.)

7.Your friend can't satisfy him,so he calls you.(That's Tech Support.)

8.Your on your way to a party when you realize that there could be handsome men in all the houses your passing,so you climb onto the roof of one situated towards the center and shout at the top of your lungs,"I am fantastic in bed."(Thats Junk Mail.)

9.Your at a party,this well built man grabs your ass.(Thats President Clinton.)

10.You like it,but twenty years later your attorney decides you were offended.(Thats America.)

DRIVER

I would certainley appreciate it if you could take this package down the road for me.

Please while your on this journey might i implore you not speak to anyone.

Follow my instructions;it is imperative that everthing goes according to plan.

May your journey be a safe one.

chorus

Driver please avoid unnecessary stoppages as you deliver this package of marijuana at Alba Mall.

I cannot emphasize enough the importance of you not stopping along the way.

Collect the funds and make a hasty retreat.

Driver be wary of members of the constabulary force as they have set up quiet a few speed traps along the path you have to travel.

Verse:1

I have in my possession a Nextel celluar phone with a sim card from Cingular (though this make absolutely no sense i thought it still would be fashionable)

If by any chance you run into any problem i can be reached at the number i had previously provided you with.

Be mindful that our competiters purchase goods by the pound ,we are apart of a much larger entity purchasing quantity in tons.

The colours we provide are green and chocolate brown.We are preferred customers with the carrier service.

My life's earnings are invested in this business venture.You are allowed to have a light alcoholic beverage but DONT indulge in the smoking away of my profit.

The aroma of the marijuana will change your perpective on life,no matter how carefully it is packaged.

Failure to deliver will be detrimental on your part as i have no problems in attaining firearms and ammunition.I would love to remodel my place of dwelling.

chorus

Verse;2

I am in this business not because i want to but because i have to AND my female companion has a vested intrest in obtaining a few pieces from Victoria Secret's spring collection.

Sam is not consistent with his payments so please avoid him entirely;Billy is a known infromat for the FBI.

Take no one to my place of residence.I love the way soldiers carry themselves,disassociating themselves from cowards.Like Rick Ross,every day i'm hustling.It would not be in your best intrest to attempt undermining me,the last person who tried that met a terrible fate.

Ensure maximum sale on the product so we can increase our profit. 

TO THE MANAGEMENT OF JANADIANS

What i really want to know is..if there is a place here where persons can go and write suggestions,ask for help,or ask questions,differently from the space made for Blog or Forum.

The thing is i have a question/suggestion and i would really appreciate it if someone could assist me.

Hoping to hear from someone soon. 

I must say the people at Janadians have been doing a GREAT job with the upgrading of the site.I just love the new look,espically the cute little icons on the profiles.

Keep up the good work men and women.

I came accross an aticle in the STAR,and thought i would throw out this topic to get some feedback from you all.

It was reported that the much anticipated  yearly road mach will not be held this year,how can we have carnival and "NO ROAD MARCH".

What is been introduced instead is to have several other events across the island,which i am sure will be a success.....but it just wont be the same for kingston which is the "Mother for all Carnival"

Well look on the good side,JOUVERT revellars please to draw closer.......The staging of Kingston Jouvert Road Parade,in New Kingston on "Friday 13" will be Free......yes you hear me right FREE.

So all those who will not get to jump and prance in the cancelled road march,try mek up fi it at the free jouvert,I certainley will

Just thought I would share my little Prayer with you all..........

LORD........

PROTECT ME FROM MY FRIENDS........

AND I WILL PROTECT MYSELF FROM MY EMEMIES......

AMEN.