DATE: 08/28/2008 07:34:42 / MOOD: happy

The
Awakening

A time comes in your life when you finally get it.
When, in the midst of all your fears and insanity, you stop dead in your
tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out -- ENOUGH!

Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on.
And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to
subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears, and through
a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the world through new eyes.

This is your Awakening.

You realize that it's time to stop hoping and
waiting for something to change or for happiness, safety and security to
come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that
he is not Prince Charming and you are not Cinderella and that in the real
world there aren't always fairy tale endings (or beginnings for that
matter), and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must
begin with you; and in the process, a sense of serenity is born of
acceptance.

You awaken to the fact that you're not perfect and
that not everyone will always love you, appreciate or approve of who or
what you are ... and that's okay. (They're entitled to their own views and
opinions.) And you learn the importance of loving and championing
yourself; and in the process a sense of new found confidence is born of
self-approval.

You stop complaining and blaming other people for
the things they did to you (or didn't do for you) and you learn that the
only thing you can really count on is the unexpected. You learn that
people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say, and that not
everyone will always be there for you; and that it's not always about you.
So, you learn to stand on your own, and to take care of yourself; and in
the process, a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance.

You stop judging and pointing fingers -- and you
begin to accept people as they are, and to overlook their shortcomings and
human frailties; and in the process, a sense of peace and contentment is
born of forgiveness.

You realize that much of the way you view yourself
and the world around is a result of all the messages and opinions that
have been ingrained into your psyche, and you begin to sift through all
that you have been fed about how you should behave, how you should look,
and how much you should weigh; what you should wear and where you should
shop, and what you should drive; how and where you should live and what
you should do for a living; who you should sleep with, who you should
marry, and what you should expect of a marriage; the importance of having
and raising children, or what you owe your parents.

You learn to open up to new worlds and different
points of view. And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are and
what you really stand for.

You learn the difference between wanting and
needing, and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you've
outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with; and in the
process you learn to go with your instincts.

You learn that it is truly in giving that we
receive. And that there is power and glory in creating and contributing;
and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a "consumer"
looking for your next fix.

You learn that principles such as honesty and
integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era, but the mortar that
holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life. You learn
that you don't know everything, it's not your job to save the world ...
and that you can't teach a pig to sing.

You learn to distinguish between guilt and
responsibility, and the importance of setting boundaries, and learning to
say "NO." You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you
choose to carry, and that martyrs get burned at the stake.

Then you learn about love. romantic love and
familial love. How to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving
and when to walk away.

You learn not to project your needs or your feelings
in a relationship. You learn that you will not be more beautiful, more
intelligent, more lovable or important because of the man or the woman on
your arm or the child that bears your name.

You learn to look at relationships as they really
are and not as you would have them be. You stop trying to control people,
situations and outcomes.

You learn that just as people grow and change, so it
is with love ... and you learn that you don't have the right to demand
love on your terms ... just to make you happy.

And, you learn that alone does not have to be
lonely.

And you look in the mirror and come to terms with
the fact that you will never be a size 5 or a perfect 10, and you stop
trying to compete with the image inside your head and agonizing over how
you "stack up." You also stop working so hard at putting your
feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs.

You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly
okay ... and that it is your right to want things and to ask for the
things that you want ... and that sometimes it is necessary to make
demands.

You come to the realization that you deserve to be
treated with love, kindness, sensitivity and respect; and you won't settle
for less. And you allow only the hands of a love who cherishes you to
glorify you with his/her touch ... and in the process you internalize the
meaning of self-respect. And you learn that your body really IS your
temple, and you begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin
eating a balanced diet, drinking more water and taking more time to
exercise.

You learn that fatigue diminishes the spirit and can
create doubt and fear. So you take more time to rest. And, just as food
fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So you take more time to laugh
and play.

You learn, that for the most part, in life you get
what you believe you deserve, and that much of life truly is a
self-fulfilling prophecy.

You learn that anything worth achieving is worth
working for, and that wishing for something to happen is different from
working toward making it happen.

More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve
success you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You also learn
that no one can do it all alone and that it's okay to risk asking for
help.

You learn that the only thing you must truly fear is
the great robber baron of all time -- Fear itself. You learn to step right
into and through your fears because you know that whatever happens you can
handle it, and to live in fear is to give away the right to live life on
your terms.

You learn to fight for your life and not to squander
it living under a cloud of impending doom.

You learn that life isn't always fair, you don't
always get what you think you deserve, and that sometimes bad things
happen to unsuspecting, good people. On these occasions, you learn not to
personalize things.

You learn that God isn't punishing you or failing to
answer your prayers. It's just life happening. And you learn to deal with
evil in its most primal state -- the ego.

You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy
and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate
the life out of you, and poison the universe that surrounds you.

You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build
bridges instead of walls.

You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many
of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people
upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running
water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.

Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for
yourself by yourself; and you make yourself a promise to never betray
yourself and to never, ever, settle for less than your heart desires. And
you hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind.
And you make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting and to stay open
to every wonderful possibility.

Finally, with courage in your heart and with Spirit
by your side you take a stand; you take a deep breath, and you begin to
design the life you want to live as best you can.

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DATE: 08/28/2008 07:09:27 / MOOD: happy

In the day and age
where our lives have become much like that of going through a drive-in
window, we begin to find we don't have time to do the things we enjoy,
or find that time to have a quality relationship with ourselves, others
in our lives and hence flowing over into our spiritual relationship.
When we look at what is holistic living.. using the definition that
American Heritage dictionary: the belief emphasizing the importance of
the whole and the independence of its parts.

Our lives have a three-fold
relationship, the relationship we have with ourselves, the relationships
we have with others, and our relationship with God or one's Higher
Power. Over the years I have heard people tell me, I don't have time for
me, or that's selfish and self-centered. One of the most important
relationships one will have in this lifetime, is that relationship with
one's self. When one fails to be the care-giver to themselves, what you
inevitably will see is this flows over into the relationship with
others, on into ones spiritual relationship. All three independent
relationships, yet all part of the whole.

Few years ago I read a article,
about how many of us have become "sleep-walkers" going through
life. We basically are like that ball in a pinball machine, we move
along, the course, we slam into a "life obstacle", instead of
seeing the importance of that obstacle, we continue down the course
until slammed again, and hoping like heck not to fall into the hole at
the end of the game. Life isn't about punishment, or being tormented, or
slammed around, its truly awakening from that sleep and living life to
the fullest and its potential. Seeing that "life obstacles" as
lessons, that prepare us, shape us, develop who we are, what we become,
in order for us to share with not only ourselves, but others and our
spiritual journey.

We awaken to learn what it is to
love oneself, self-love. Defined as "regard for one's self",
note it doesn't say "having only concern for oneself". How
many times have we heard the questions asked, "I wonder if anyone
loves me." We begin to base that love on what others thinks and
says, our self-worth isn't based on those who love us or doesn't love
us, its based on "Do we love ourselves." We all have different
beliefs, after studying various beliefs they all in some form or another
come back on this lesson, self-love. It always bring to mind, when Jesus
said, "Love God and your neighbor, as you love yourself."
Basically confirming you can't be one without the other. Over the years
I have heard people state, "Its easier to love others than
myself", reason being its painful to look at the reason we can't
love ourselves, so therefore we "literally stuff that pain"
deep within ourselves, grasping for those "quick fixes" from
the feelings and emotions of loving others.

Self-love is discovering what is
the best for one's own well-being. Discovering that self-love is not
what is always good for others, what is fun, or what makes one feel good
but a honest, self-reflection, self-criticism and analyze that sometimes
maybe difficult and demanding of who we are.

It's discovering what your own
self-needs here are and recognizing them. Self-love demands
self-discipline, self-recognition, and sacrifice yet through the process
will come the courage and strength, thus in turn we are then able to
reach out to others. We begin to learn to take time out for ourselves,
instead of reaching that "burn out stage", knowing when we
need to either let our body rest, or take a mental break. Its learning
to see when we need to step back, and be the care-giver with our own
being. When we do this for ourselves, not only is it healthy for us in
our own growth and daily living it is healthy for those around us.

Recently, in speaking to a friend,
she had shared how tired and frazzled she was with her life and how at
times all she could do was sit and cry. I made the suggestion of taking
some time for herself, her reply back, "With everything in my life,
I have no time." She continued on to tell how with her work she
wasn't accomplishing the daily task required of her, and in her
relationship with her children she wasn't finding the patience to deal
with their problems, how her relationship with her husband was like two
ships passing each other in the night.

We get so busy fulfilling those
"things" "responsibilities" in our life, we feel we
don't have time for ourselves. We send a loud message, "I'm not
worth the time." Like that pin ball game, that process of hitting
one obstacle to hit another, all the time trying to avoid going into
that hole, we find ourselves there sooner or later as my friend had.

No one can stop this spiraling
"sleep walking" process, until one decides for themselves to
end this vicious cycle or course they are on. Take that time today, to
see the importance of how all three relationships have to be nurtured
and tended.

For if one is neglected, it spills
over into the other two. Learn to rediscover you, as the person, the
unique individual. One who is self-confident, one who is constantly
evolving and changing, one who is not "lifeless" but full of
life. One who isn't just seeking answers, but one who is asking
"life giving questions." Take that risk of knowing what to
live means, knowing what the "obstacles" the poundings one
endures, to become life lessons in teaching you of your self-strength,
self-love, self-endurance and self-respect. Going forth to develop
healthy relationships with others and building a stronger bond in your
spiritual relationship.

View Entry

DATE: 05/09/2008 07:17:17 / MOOD: happy

She
jumped up as soon as she saw the surgeon come out of the operating
room. She said: 'How is my little boy? Is he going to be all right?
When can I see him?'

The surgeon said, 'I'm sorry. We did all we could, but your boy didn't make it.'

Sally said, 'Why do little children get cancer? Doesn't God care any more? Where were you, God, when my son needed you?'

The
surgeon asked, 'Would you like some time alone with your son? One of
the nurses will be out in a few minutes, before he's transported to the
university.'

Sally
asked the nurse to stay with her while she said good bye to son. She
ran her fingers lovingly through his thick red curly hair. 'Would you
like a lock of his hair?' the nurse asked. Sally nodded yes. The nurse
cut a lock of the boy's hair, put it in a plastic bag and handed it to
Sally.

The
mother said, 'It was Jimmy's idea to donate his body to the University
for Study. He said it might help somebody else. 'I said no at first,
but Jimmy said, 'Mom, I won't be using it after I die. Maybe it will
help some other little boy spend one more day with his Mom.' She went
on, 'My Jimmy had a heart of gold. Always thinking of someone else.
Always wanting to help others if he could.'

Sally
walked out of Children's Mercy Hospital for the last time, after
spending most of the last six months there. She put the bag with
Jimmy's belongings on the seat beside her in the car.

The
drive home was difficult. It was even harder to enter the empty house.
She carried Jimmy's belongings, and the plastic bag with the lock of
his hair to her son's room.

She
started placing the model cars and other personal things back in his
room exactly where he had always kept them. She lay down across his bed
and, hugging his pillow, cried herself to sleep.

It was around midnight when Sally awoke. Lying beside her on the bed was a folded letter. The letter said:

'Dear Mom,

I
know you're going to miss me; but don't think that I will ever forget
you, or stop loving you, just 'cause I'm not around to say 'I Love You'.
I will always love you, Mom, even more with each day. Someday we will
see each other again. Until then, if you want to adopt a little boy so
you won't be so lonely, that's okay with me. He can have my room and
old stuff to play with. But, if you decide to get a girl instead, she
probably wouldn't like the same things us boys do. You'll have to buy
her dolls and stuff girls like, you know.

Don't
be sad thinking about me. This really is a neat place. Grandma and
Grandpa met me as soon as I got here and showed me around some, but it
will take a long time to see everything. The angels are so cool. I love
to watch them fly. And, you know what? Jesus doesn't look like any of
his pictures. Yet, when I saw Him, I knew it was Him. Jesus himself
took me to see GOD! And guess what, Mom? I got to sit on God's knee and
talk to Him, like I was somebody important. That's when I told Him that
I wanted to write you a letter, to tell you good bye and everything.
But I already knew that wasn't allowed. Well, you know what Mom? God
handed me some paper and His own personal pen to write you this letter
I think Gabriel is the name of the angel who is going to drop this
letter off to you. God said for me to give you the answer to one of the
questions you asked Him where was He when I needed him?' 'God said He
was in the same place with me, as when His son Jesus was on the cross.
He was right there, as He always is with all His children.

Oh,
by the way, Mom, no one else can see what I've written except you. To
everyone else this is just a blank piece of paper. Isn't that cool? I
have to give God His pen back now He needs it to write some more names
in the Book of Life. Tonight I get to sit at the table with Jesus for
supper. I'm sure the food will be great.

Oh,
I almost forgot to tell you. I don't hurt anymore the cancer is all
gone.. I'm glad because I couldn't stand that pain anymore and God
couldn't stand to see me hurt so much, either. That's when He sent The
Angel of Mercy to come get me. The Angel said I was a Special Delivery!
How about that?

Signed with Love from God, Jesus & Me.

 

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DATE: 01/29/2008 18:05:13 / MOOD: happy



































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DATE: 01/29/2008 18:02:12 / MOOD: happy



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DATE: 10/14/2007 09:07:17 / MOOD: other

A Prayer Of Responsibility For Children

  We pray for children

Who put chocolate fingers everywhere,
Who like to be tickled,
Who stomp in puddles and ruin their new pants,
Who sneak Popsicles before supper,
Who erase holes in math workbooks,
Who can never find their shoes.

  And We pray for those

Who stare at photographers from behind barbed wire,
Who can't bound down the street in a new pair of sneakers,
Who never "counted potatoes,"
Who are born in places we wouldn't be caught dead,
Who never go to the circus,
Who live in a X-rated world.

  We pray for children

Who bring us sticky kisses and fistfuls of dandelions,
Who sleep with the dog and bury goldfish,
Who hug us in a hurry and forget their lunch money,
Who cover themselves with Band-aids and sing off key,
Who squeeze toothpaste all over the sink,
Who slurp their soup.

  And We pray for those

Who never get dessert,
Who have no safe blanket to drag behind them,
Who watch their parents watch them die,
Who can't find any bread to steal,
Who don't have any rooms to clean up,
Whose pictures aren't on anybody's dresser,
Whose monsters are real.

  We pray for children

Who spend all their allowance before Tuesday,
Who throw tantrums in the grocery store and pick at their food,
Who like ghost stories,
Who shove dirty clothes under the bed and never rinse out the tub,
Who get visits from the tooth fairy,
Who don't like to be kissed in front of the carpool,
Who squirm in church or temple and scream in the phone,
Whose tears we sometimes laugh at and whose smiles can make us cry.

  And We pray for those

Whose nightmares come in the daytime,
Who will eat anything,
Who have never seen a dentist,
Who aren't spoiled by anybody,
Who go to bed hungry and cry themselves to sleep,
Who live and move, but have no being.

  We pray for children

Who want to be carried and for those who must,
For those we never give up on
And for those who don't get a second chance.
For those we smoother...
And for those 
who will grab the hand of anybody kind enough to offer it.

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DATE: 10/11/2007 11:49:36 / MOOD: other

Back when I was a child
before life removed all the innocence
my father would lift me high
and dance with my mother and me and then
spin me around til I fell asleep
then up the stairs he would carry me
and I new for sure, I was loved

If I could get
another chance
another walk
another dance with him
I'd play a song that would never ever end
how I'd love love love
to dance with my father again

oooo when I and my mother would disagree
to get my way I would run from her to him
he'd make me laugh just to comfort me yeah yeah
then finally make me do just what my momma said
later that night when I was asleep
he left a dollar under my sheet
never dreamed that he would be gone from me

If I could steal one final glance,
one final step
one final dance with him
I'd play a song that would never ever end
cause I'd love, love, love, to dance with my father again

sometimes I'd listen outside her door
and I hear how my mother cried for him
I'd pray for her even more than me
I'd pray for her even more than me

I know I'm praying
for much to much
but could you send back
the only man she loved
I know you don't do it usually
but dear lord she's dyin
to dance with my father again

every night I fall asleep
and this is all I ever dream. 
 

Over three years ago my father passed away, not a day goes by that I don't think of him and miss him  deeply. There are times I wish I could just see him one more time to hear him say "I love you Mits".  To look into his eyes, to hear his laughter, or to be whirled around while dancing with him. I know that these past years have been very difficult more so for my Mother. When I call my Mom , and we talk about Daddy, I know she does it while holding back tears and my heart aches even more for her.  When I first heard this song "Dance With My Father", all I could do was cry for it reached a part of how I have felt since he passed away.  I know that someday when our time is up on this earth, my Mother and Father will dance again......

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DATE: 10/11/2007 10:31:35 / MOOD: happy








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DATE: 10/11/2007 10:15:05 / MOOD: happy

 

To Touch,  is to Feel

To Hear,  is to Listen

To See,  is to Understand

To Smell the rain is to Enjoy

To Taste,  life is to Live

To Love is to Forgive

Sometimes we know not what we do

nor do we understand what others do

This is my Inner Quest,

Not to know the reasons why,

But only to try and understand

those reasons

To understand our own feelings,

is to walk in peace

A peace of mind, body,

and soul

To understand others

feelings,  one has

to open their heart

There is a light which

guides each one of us

And when we feel

sad and lonely,

All that is needed,  is

to open one's eyes

and search for the

light home.

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